My Little Funk

Firstly, let me say that I am a firm believer of everyone getting the challenges in their life that they need to learn from and that some of us are just not worthy of some things.  I am at peace with that, at least most of the time.  I know that God has my best interests in mind.

May first, I could have retired.  I have the age and years of service, so I reached that magic number.  Why am I still working?  Well, as I’m sure I have mentioned in more than one blog, I can’t retire until my youngest daughter is finished university. 

Yesterday I woke up realizing that if my life partner was actually paying the bills, I could retire anyway.  Don’t get me wrong, I do love the guy, and I also know that in a day or two, I’ll get over it, but for now, I am in quite a funk about it.  I should also point out that Cavan and I have been together for over eleven years. 

Let me tell you my Cavan story.  We met in 1985.  He was obviously smitten, and we became good friends, but I ended up marrying his roommate, which, having been left as a single parent, was the wrong thing to do.

I ran into Cavan several times for the next 17 years and then I finally ran into him at a Chamber of Commerce meeting and found that he and his wife had been separated for a couple of years.  So we finally got together. I love Cavan and I know he loves me.  You would think that would be good enough but, he contributes very little monetarily to the household and he is still married to his wife.

How does that make me feel?  It makes me feel like I’m not good enough, that I am not entitled to better.  Is that the challenge that I’m supposed to have in this life?  I guess so. 

As I said, I believe that God gives us what we need, including the challenges we have.  Because I believe that, I will get over my little funk, but give me a day or two.